Hidden Costs of Divorce

Hidden Costs of Divorce

 

Summary:

There are many hidden costs of divorce. Divorce can be emotionally draining. Divorce costs are both emotional and financial.  The amount of the costs of divorce depends on how well you are prepared for the trying times you will no doubt experience if you are involved in divorce, whether voluntarily or involuntarily.

 

Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists. This does not mean that divorce is an easy decision to make. There are many reasons why people decide to get divorced. The most common reason that I have seen through talking to hundreds of people is due to infidelity.

I personally would not be able to forgive infidelity. If someone cheated on me I would be deceiving myself if I thought that I would be able to forgive them and stay in the relationship. A lot of the so called “experts” also try to get people to reconcile when there is a cheater in the relationship.

If you want to reconcile with your unfaithful spouse, you should certainly try to do so through counselling. It would save a lot of heartache and make life easier if you both wanted to stay together after the affair. This is a choice only you can make. If you are pressured into this choice without really believing it, you won’t be happy for long. If you feel betrayed, don’t let anyone tell you that you have to work it out if you don’t really want to. Why suffer if you don’t have to?

Another reason why divorces happen is that one of the partners fall out of love. This happens for various reasons. Over time people change. It is unfortunate when one spouse decides to end the marriage due to boredom or lack of interest. It is usually painful for the spouse who thought everything was ok.

These reasons for divorce also lead to all out battles for child custody, joint assets, alimony, etc… You really can lose a lot of the life you’ve built by getting a divorce.  Many times one party or the other is oblivious to the problem.

Legal fees can also be extremely expensive. Most lawyers will charge you for every minute that you consult with them. What often happens is that you tell your lawyer “I can only afford to pay X amount.” The lawyer will then set his watch and only work on your case until your retainer is spent. Every divorce is different because all people are different.  One divorce may require a huge retainer because the parties are in what I call “the win at all cost” mode.  The other divorce may involve two rational people that are both looking out for their best interests but they are also looking out for the best interests of their children.  There is a lot of information your lawyer can obtain for you but often the cost is not worth it.  You can save money if you have good records and have kept an open information sharing relationship with your spouse.

Putting your lawyer on a budget is wise, but you must be careful.  You don’t want to be cheap and handicap your lawyer.  When this happens, you may miss out on a lot of knowledge that would help you get more money out of the divorce, get more custody rights, and get more emmotionally out of the divorce. The other alternative is that you tell the lawyer “Do everything you can to get me what I want”.  The only problem with this is that the lawyer will bill you thousands of dollars for all the work they do for you. The lawyer is a professional and needs to get paid for their work. After all, they could spend their time on another client and get the same rate.  Communicating with your lawyer about your financial concerns is a good way to manage your divorce case together.  It will also keep the frustrations at a lower level.

Getting a divorce does not have to break the bank.  There are ways to get the benefit of thousands of dollars worth of knowledge at reasonable prices.  You already have the tools to know where to look. If you can’t figure it out, just ask me.

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James Mahan